Sign Guy Origins

It’s been a long time since my last post. I’ve done a lot of living and my mind has evolved. I went from living in an “intentional community” to becoming homeless and suicidal, to being known as the Easthampton “Sign Guy”. I’ve learned a lot along the way and I’m eager to start my blog again and get my point of view down for anybody that might be interested. So here goes; Sign Guy Origins:

I miss living at the farm. But the intentional community called Arc 38 was really a bunch of squatters taking advantage of the property owner. I was the only farmer on the site and everybody else was trashing the place and getting high everyday. They were making money illegally, sexually harassing women, stealing, and getting violent. I attempted to give the group some discipline and to do meaningful work in a legal manner. The ‘leader’ of the group, who called himself ‘Eco’, convinced the landlord to evict me. He didn’t want the fun of throwing parties and wasting time getting high to go away.

My friend Geni took me in and I left the farm to live under her roof in Wilbraham, MA.

Being disconnected from the land that I called home for three years had a serious effect on me. I was dependent on an insecure location doing work trade for a place to stay. After being their hardest worker doing most of the manual labor for so many years, they just tossed me aside like a piece of crap. I ended up staying in Geni’s basement and had to figure out a new life path.

To make a long story short, I became suicidal and after a suicide attempt I ended up at the VA hospital at Leeds. I was an inpatient for a while and I read the Dhammapada over and over again trying to get my mind out of the very dark and suicidal mentality that I developed.

When I was released from the hospital I camped in Northampton. Living homeless was fun at first. I showered at the gym and camped in the woods beside the rail road tracks.

It only took a few weeks for my suicidal thoughts to grab ahold of me again. I felt like a nobody who didn’t even deserve to be in my daughter’s life. I attempted suicide again. I started by eating rocks at a parking lot. That didn’t work so I climbed up a tree and jumped off head first into oncoming traffic.

I woke up in a hospital and I had staples on my head. After a couple weeks I was transferred to become an inpatient at a different hospital. After staying there for a couple months doing therapy and taking meds, I went back to Leeds, this time to live at Soldier On, which is a homeless shelter for veterans.

I lived at the shelter for a few months. Eventually I applied at HUD Vash for veteran housing and they helped me get an apartment in Easthampton, MA. Finally I had a place of my own and I was able to take some serious time to heal and get my mind out of the darkness of suicidal thoughts.

If it wasn’t for the VA, I’m sure I’d be dead by now. Im thankful for all the people that work there and all the people that worked so hard to make services available to veterans. Mental Illness is no joke.

Finding purpose in life was a struggle. I thought my impact just for being human was too destructive to the environment. I believed That I wasted to much time in my life. I was reading the Bible, seeking refuge, only to find more reasons to feel guilt and shame for being alive. My mind kept reminding me of all the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I believed what the Bible said, that God hated me as an abomination and that my children’s children are cursed for my mistakes. I jumped out of that tree in hopes that my daughter would not suffer for my sins.

But the more I studied the Bible the more contradictions I discovered. This was a huge step towards my liberation of hateful dogmatic beliefs that I had to overcome to purify myself from the evil of suicidal thoughts.

I studied scholars such at Prof. Bart D. Ehrman. Who helped me realize the historic truths of how scripture came to be.

I also ran into the wisdom of Prof. Dr. Marija Gimbutas who was an archeologist and anthropologist who taught that for thousands of years Europeans worshipped the Goddess and had gender equality and a peaceful existence before patriarchy and Christianity took over.

I began to embrace this idea of the Goddess being Nature itself and I rejected the Bible as the word of God due to its many contradictions.

I began to find inner peace and focused more on my love for nature and for my daughter. I need to accept myself and work to become the father my daughter deserves and live with purpose.

I spent many hours researching about humanities destructive impact on the natural world. When I first learned about microplastics I felt a dire urge to act as if Occupy Wall Street was still happening and to go out and have a persistent presence in the public. My purpose was to be the voice for nature, for the innocent suffering animals, and for future generations.

I see what I’m doing as the Easthampton Sign Guy as psychological operations. I’m planting seeds of truth into the minds of people to help inspire the changes that are needed to create a sustainable and regenerative future.

Over time I’ve connected with my tribe. Hundreds of supporters thank me for what I do and I’ve found my self-worth.

I pray that my efforts evolve into the creation of a local movement towards creating an ecologically sane society.

Written by: Jose O. Mediavilla

Photos by: Hampshire Gazette and Valley Advocate

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